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Tuesday, May 02, 2006 

Noobie, Noobie, Noob (5/2)

Noob of the Week:
Just when you thought an athlete couldn't possibly handle his money worse than Darren McCarty, John Daly comes clean. In the final chapter of John Daly: My Life In and Out of the Rough, Daly confesses that he has gambled away $50-60 million. Sixty million dollars!!!! Setting aside the surprising fact that Daly has actually made that much money in his golfing career, it's still hard to fathom that anyone could be that much of a noob. We might go easier on the guy if he was losing his shirt gambling at the roulette wheel, the craps table, or with Wayne Gretzky's wife. We can understand how the excitement of those games might be addicting, especially craps; in fact, the Noob Sports family once paid for an entire weekend in Windsor after a HOT hand at the dice game. Big John, however, lost his millions sitting next to your grandma at the slots. Believe me, awarding "Noob of the Week" honors to a man with the nickname "Long Shaft" is hard (pun intended) but we have no choice. This is the biggest mishandling of $50+ million since Dave Chapelle split the country.

Noob Sports Domination of the Week:
The Minnesota Twins came to Comerica Park last Friday and had a worse weekend than Matt Leinart. The Tigers outscored the Twinkies by a combined score of 33-1 over the three game series (9-0 , 18-1, and 6-0) and were outhit 47-15. If there is any solace for Ron Gardenhire, it is that the Twins, like the Tigers, have two great pitching prospects on their major league staff. As you already know, the Tigers have probable multiple Cy Young Winner Justin Verlander in the rotation and flamethrower Joel Zumaya in the 'pen but the Twins can answer with the slightly inferior tandem of Francisco Liriano and Scott Baker. Unfortunately for Minny, their prospects might not be as advanced. On Saturday, Verlander tossed 7 innings of one run ball as Liriano came out of the 'pen to give up 5 runs and 8 hits in 3 innings. OK, so maybe there isn't much solace for Gardenhire after all, at least in 2006.

Noob Sports Best Draft Pick of the Week:
Tough call on this one. I have a man-crush on Jimmy Williams and think he could be a shut-down corner for the Falcons. The Patriots schooled the league again by adding Laurence Maroney and Chad Jackson. The Eagles snatched up Winston Justice a pick before the Lions in Round 2. However, LenDale White might have been the steal of the draft for the Titans. White is going to have a chip on his shoulder after sliding into the second round, meaning that motivation and work ethic will not be a problem. Surprisingly, I also was impressed with LenDale during the interviews he gave to the ESPN crew before and after his selection. He had a sense of humor and didn't seem too rattled by the day's events. And let's not forget that LenDale once went in on a practical joke with USC head coach Pete Carroll that culminated with a dummy wearing his #21 jersey "jumping" off a building to the horror of his teammates. Plus, he's tight with Snoop Dogg. Needless to say, we'll be rooting for him.

Noob Sports Worst Draft Pick of the Week:
The Bills selected Donte Whitner at #8 overall and it wasn't their worst choice of the weekend. Later in the first round, Buffalo traded up to land NC State DT John McCargo, a player projected to go in Round 3 or so. So to sum it up, the Bills passed on the two best DTs in the draft to reach for a safety, then gave up additional picks to get a DT who might have been available for them later in the draft if they had stood pat. Interesting strategy...


You forgot to mention the best part about Lendale White - he and Chauncey Billups are cousins.

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