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Tuesday, May 09, 2006 

Noob of the Week [5/9]

This weeks Noob of the Week award goes to a group of people, rather than an indivual. Team Dow High West brings home the award for their uber-noobish display Saturday morning.

Members of Team Dow High West include myself (SEL), Gruberville, El Corro, Volk Face, pseudo-member Carlton, plus two members making the trek out from Michigan, Titty-bar and Daddy.

Friday night started off great, with a nice Gov's Park dinner, a Rockies game, and plenty of drinks. The Rockies game was especially fun, considering the fact that we were giving Preston Wilson a VERY hard time in left-field for the Astros. Between the incessant "Wilson!.... Wilson!!!..." chants, there were such gems thrown out such as "take out the corn cob, you'll be able to walk easier" and "probable steroid user Preston Wilson!". Preston was a good sport about it, acknowledging us a couple of times, so a fun time was had by all. It was made even better by the fact that the Rockies won, a ridiculous 9th inning where Brad "I'm a total dog" Lidge walked home the final two batters, including the winning run with the bases loaded. This of course led to a string of very uncomfortable double high-fives with everybody around us. Afterwards, we went out and celebrated cinco de Mayo in Denver....

Now here's the thing about drinking: if you drink too much in one evening, you wake up the next day with what's called a "hangover". Well, Team Dow High West certainly did plenty of the former, and the inevetable latter caught up with us as soon as we woke up. Let's just say we were in the major hurtbox.

That Saturday was Boulder Kinetics, an event put on by KBCO which is basically the party of the year. It's held at the Boulder Reservoir, and is an absurd event where people make these machines that race across water, then across land... but is basically an excuse for people to hang outside all day getting drunk and/or stoney. Plus the John Butler Trio was playing there, and they put on a sick show.

We had FREE TICKETS to the event, and were pretty pumped up for it. Needless to say, we had a slow start to the morning, struggling to put down breakfast, and risking death until we got some Jamba Juice, which saved our lives. We make the half hour or so drive from Denver to Boulder, only to find out when we get here that tickets say "Gates close at Noon". We didn't believe it, but sure enough, our roommate when over there and called us and said "gates are closed, you can't get in."

The award is given to this group of Noobs because we couldn't get our acts together before noon on a GORGEOUS Saturday. To put matters in perspective, that evening we grilled out at my place, making some killer burgers. Titty-bar, who I have never, ever, under any circumstance, seen turn down a meal, opted out of dinner because he was still feeling poor from the night before. We tried making up for it with another solid Saturday night performance on Pearl St., but the fact remains that we were total Noobs.

Honorable Mention:

- David Blaine! I got suckered into watching this nonsense for about 2 hours last night, full of David Blaine's self-promoting magic tricks, including one where he takes a girls teeth out of her mouth with his fingers, puts them in his mouth, then spits them back into her mouth, where they're apparently stable. He was trying to break the World Record for holding his breath underwater (8:58), but came up about 2 minutes short.

Wah. If you're going to make me sit through that much garbage television, with Stu Scott announcing, at least break a world record. If it wasn't for Team Dow High West, David Blaine would totally be Noob of the Week.

(And for the Record: No, I do NOT feel bad about actively rooting for a man to drown voilently on national television.)


Not surprising that Titty-Bar had a poor showing. His balls have shriveled to the size of peanuts. However, if he truly did turn down a meal, he must have put down a spectacular showing on friday night. I'm glad that Dow High West had a great showing with the Team Michigan Noobs.

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