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Friday, May 12, 2006 

Meltdowns!

Honestly, there aren't too many things we can think of that are much funnier than a quality meltdown. The best man getting bombed at a wedding and giving a slurred speech, the Badger getting a DUI at 2 in the afternoon with a .34 BAC, Courtney Love at any awards show, and recently Rick Sutcliffe during Wednesday nights San Diego Padres game:



There is so much genius in this video, I don't even know where to begin. First of all, there are Budweiser advertisements behind home plate, plus the Padres are playing against a team called the Brewers.

Some great personality sightings, including the immortal Matt Vasgersian, who you may remember from XFL fame, and being the voice of MLB 2006. It's great how Sut keeps asking Vasgersian what the hell he's still doing in San Diego, and Vasgersian keeps trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.

Probably my favorite part of this is the Bill Murray references. I can just see Bill Murray in the back of the booth, equally drunk, trying to pull Sut away from the announcers so they can have another drink. Can't you just imagine Rick Sutcliffe taking a big bong rip, and Murray standing right there with a bottle of liquor, handing it to Sut going "Cannonball coming!"?

When asked about his daughter going to Harvard medical school, Sutcliffe responds: "Come on man, why's that surprise you.... man, look at me, all the conversations we've had..." Pure genius.

- In other meltodwn news, one of Noob Sports favorite people, Probable Steroid User Aaron Rowand thought it would be a good idea to superman into the outfield wall face first. Here's the result:



Broken nose! Gotta love the effort, though.

Rumor has it that Rowand had complained before the season that the outfield wall didn't have enough padding, and apparently the Phillies are planning on adding extra padding... next week. Oh, the irony!

I'm interested to see if Rowand's broken nose heals faster than other broken noses, which will obviously be an indication as to whether or not he's still on the juice.

Do you have any evidence that Rowand has used steroids or are you just try to drag his name through the mud for kicks?

Noob Sports vs. Aaron Rowand, the Evidence:

2004: 24 home runs in 487 ABs, .544 SLG%

2005: 13 home runs in 578 ABs, .407 SLG%

2004: Nickname "Mini-Mac"
2005: Nickname "Warning Track"
2006: Nickname "Probable Steroid User"

OK, what the heck is the disembodied head that floats across the bottom of the screen on the Sutcliffe video right at the beginning? Did someone have a balloon shaped like a guy wearing a baseball cap or was that part of the telecast for some reason?

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