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Sunday, May 14, 2006 

GuaranSheed


Have I ever told you that Rasheed Wallace is my favorite player in the league?

Well, he is (he would be second if Fred Hoiberg was still around... may The Mayors heart make a full recovery). I love the way he plays, I love the white spot in his hair, I love the way he jokes around on the court, I love that picture of him with the flat-top, I love that he had a WWF-style belt made when the Pistons won the championship, and I especially love the way he talks shit.

"I know we're going to win it," Wallace said sitting on the scorer's table following Sunday practice at Quicken Loans Arena. "We're going to bust their ass. Tomorrow night is the last game here in this building for this year."

Ra!!!

Haha! When the boogeyman talks, y'all better listen. There aren't any other players in the league who consistently guarantees winning games like Rasheed. It's a joy everytime.

Don't believe me? Witness this: everytime 'Sheed has gone public and predicted a playoff victory, the Pistons have responded with one.

"You have to go out there and play even harder and get a win for him." Richard Hamilton said. "We have to have his back, do what we do, and get a win."

Hopefully the 'Stones do what they do and get a win on Monday night.

"Y'all can quote me, put it back page, front page, whatever," Wallace said. "They can send whoever they want to send. I know the crew I think they're going to send. But it don't matter. I know we can do it, and they know we can do it. We know what we've got to do."

How funny is it that Rasheed says he "knows the crew he thinks they're going to send"? Uh, I also think I know the crew they're going to send, 'Sheed. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the same "crew" as last time.

How can you not love Rasheed? He has the goofiest grin/grill in all of sports, does a pretty good job of backing up his bold claims, and he can play. He went from being a me-first type player, only worrying about his stats, to taking a back seat, more team-oriented roll with the Pistons. He may not be putting up the stats he used to, but his team is much better because of him.

With that being said, let me direct you to one of my favorite website: The Elevatorman's Unofficial Rasheed Wallace Home Page. That's just pure gold. Highlights:

- Tried to psych up his teammates by yelling, "Let's go out and play like we're Chicago on NBA Jam."

- In his first few weeks as a freshman at UNC, he walked up to a student in the Granville cafeteria and asking that student if he would please fill up his glass of Coke. It should be noted that Ra was within a few steps of the Coca-Cola machine when he asked the question.

- At Duke game in Chapel Hill during his first NBA season, as freshman Vince Carter, struggling to get playing time, was just trying to concentrate on the game as he walked to the scorer's table, Rasheed yelled to him, "VINCE! VINCE! I know you hear me! You better look over here or I'm gonna slap you upside the head!"

So thank you, Rasheed, for another guarantee. To be honest, it's been too long since your last one. Everybody loves it everytime, regardless if you're right or wrong. But now, it's time for the Pistons to go back to work and win game 4 of the series. Remember... Ball Don't Lie!

Anyone who loves the D loves Raweed*. Last night I was having a phone conversation with T-Baz and we decided the following: Raweed comes out to the game tonight wearing a “I am a witness” t-shirt. However there should be a few changes made to this shirt. Weed’s shirt should say “Witness this”, below that, a sideways Nike swoosh pointing towards his genital region. I think he could piss off some rod-bag Cavalier fans (who are presumably rod-bag buck-eye fans).
*Exception: TD and JohnNecks are two good friends of mine. In their younger years they attended a club soccer tourney in North Carolina. During their visit they stopped to marvel at the wonderful DeanDome. While in the parking lot none other than Raweed Wallace himself came out of the gym (Weed was already in the NBA but was in Chapel Hill practicing for whatever reason). When asked for a team picture (Note: not individual pictures, just one team photo) Weed replied “Nah man, I ain’t got time for that shit” and left in his car. These are the only two guys I know who love the D but hate Raweed.

I am a huge fan of sheed since he played with the blazers and i agree with most of your sentiments. however, sheed has never been a me-first player. in portland, the team always tried to get him to be the superstar on the squad and take the team lead, but he never did that because it wasn't his style. he has always been a player that wanted to fit into the system and make his team better. second, i think sheed is referring to the officiating crew which isn't always the same from game to game in the association.

Rooting for a non-Steve Javy officiated game tonight. Pistons 98 Cavs 90.

Darko is a Serbian Gangster.

my favorite sheed quote came after a regular season game this year against the mavs. it was the game when stack and delfino got into it a little bit. after the game a reporter asked sheed what he thought about it and he responded: "carlos ain't no punk, they kidnap people where he's from."

So a few weeks ago I found myself at a shithole diner at approximately 3:00am CST in the not-so-great city of Mil-e-wau-kay (Algonquin for "The Good Land") recounting the number of Miller High Life's I had drank that night, and trying to figure out how my 'stons could score 104 points in Game 3 of their first round series against the Bucks and still lose by 20. All the sudden, in walks Rasheed, Pistons Rookie Jason Maxiel, and a jovial posse rolling 6 deep quite glassy eyed, and absolutely reeking of the tree.

My good friend 'The Kid' was with me and was drunk, cranky, and in need of some good breakfast food. The diner was packed and service was a little slow. When 'The Kid' asked one of the waitresses if our food was going to be out soon, she responded "maybe if you sang us a song it would come quicker."

Similar to Goose and Maverick, 'The Kid' and I proceeded to lead the diner in a spirited version of the Righteous Brothers classic 'You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' with me on lead vocals and 'The Kid' holding down the base line. To both of our delight's, the entire diner (including Rasheed and posse) started clapping and singing along. Needless to say our food came out soon thereafter.

Thank you Mr. Wallace for your Guaran-sheed's, your habitual tree consumption, and your willingness to help a couple of drunk twentysomethings get their omelets a little faster.

It's great that his teammates carry him when he makes these "Guaran-sheeds". if he'd had a halfway decent game Saturday, the Pistons might have swept. He's a punk.

"Despite the guarantees, Wallace is averaging only 12.5 points and shooting just over 30 percent in those four games when he has predicted victory"

http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/plaindealer/index.ssf?/base/sports/1147682001149340.xml&coll=2&thispage=2

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