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Tuesday, April 11, 2006 

Noob of the Week (4/11)

[Editor's Note and Spoiler Warning: Do NOT read the following post if you missed Sunday's episode of the Sopranos.]


"I'll tell you one thing and I'm not ashamed to say it. My estimation of John Sacrimoni as a man... just fucking plummeted."--Phil Leotardo

Amen. The boss of New York broke down in tears before hundreds of onlookers as he was being taken back to jail after his daughter's wedding. Johnny Sack was a bit of a rubber even before he completely lost it on Sunday night. Now? Let's just say its not good when your biggest supporter is telling potential rivals that he's lost all respect for you.

For those of you who do not follow the Sopranos, our apologies. It is probably impossible for you to understand how big of a noob Johnny Sack was on Sunday. For the rest of you, let's sum up the reasons as to why Johnny Sack is being awarded Noob of the Week. Fellas, you do the honors.

"To cry like a woman? It's a fucking disgrace."--Phil Leotardo
Yes, it is a disgrace when your sobbing sounds like a mix between Krusty the Clown's laugh and J.J. Redick after an important game. Listen, I don't know much about running the mafia per se, but clearly Johnny Sack needed to keep it together in front of the crowd at his daughter's wedding. When you're supposed to be the baddest man in New York aside from George Steinbrenner, you either find a way to hold it together or start killing people until you feel better.

"His fucking coach turned into a pumpkin."--Paulie Walnuts
Actually, that sound you heard was his pumpkin shaped, 400 pound wife hitting the deck after Johnny's tears started flowing.

"Even Cinderella didn't cry."--Phil Leotardo
In fairness to Johnny Sack, Cinderella wasn't facing 47 RICO counts. Or is "Cinderella" their nickname for Vito?

"When it comes to daughters, all bets are off."--Tony Soprano
No, Tony, all bets are off when it comes to your daughter. I've been waiting years to hear him say something that. The highlight of Sunday's show.

"If they can make him cry, and if he's that weak, what the fuck else can they make him do?"--Phil Leotardo
Not only has Johnny Sack lost face, he might have lost his grip on his family. His soldiers now have reason to doubt his strength and resolve. Also remember that Johnny Sack once tried to put a hit on Ralphie for insulting his wife, so there is no way that he would handle Phil's insults well. Phil is pretty much guaranteed to make a move in the coming episodes. Unless Tony comes to his rescue, Johnny Sack is finished.

Peace noob.

-NJV

Thanks for the spoiler warning, I was almost devastated.

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