Noobie, Noobie, Noob (3/10)
Noobs of the Week:
After losing to Minnesota in the the first round of the Big 10 tournament, the Michigan Wolverines might have blown their chance at being selected for the NCAA tourney. The Wolverines, who were projected to a #12 seed recently by "bracketologist" Joe Lunardi, might be looking at an NIT bid instead after losing 59-55 to a team it trounced twice this year. Michigan has also lost 7 of its last 9 and the media and fans are all over Tommy Amaker. It would be a shame if Daniel Horton never plays in the Dance; UM fans hope that he is rewarded for being a member of to Amaker's first recruiting class. MGoBlog has a great post about the team's chances of joining the March Madness.
Noob Sports "Slap on the Wrist" of the Week:
Ohio State cheats. Everyone knows it, including the NCAA which handed the university probation after using an ineligible player for 3 seasons under former coach Jim O'Brien. The Buckeyes have committed at least 8 infractions, 6 of them by the men's basketball team including boosters paying a woman to "feed, house and support" player Boban Savovic. The woman, who also did the player's homework, sued after boosters failed to pay her the montly allowance she was promised. Of course, Ohio St. boosters also gave money to quarterback Troy Smith and thousands of dollars in free dental work to members of the women's basketball team. O'Brien also admits giving a $6000 "loan" to a 7'3 recruit from Europe. Oh, and don't forget the Maurice Clarett scandal. Plus, we already know that shady Ohio St. players make thousands signing autographs. Imagine what they must be paying Ted Ginn and Greg Oden. Despite the numerous violations, the team will only be given 3 years probation and be forced to wipe out the records of 4 NCAA tournament teams, a light slap on the wrist. By the way, do you think an alum like Scoonie Penn is still on OSU's payroll, just so he keeps his mouth shut about the condo they bought him?
Noob Sports Sandwich of the Week:
Dick Cheney might have a heart attack just reading about the latest food invention of the Gateway Grizzlies, a minor league baseball team in southern Illinois. "Baseball's Best Burger" consists of a hamburger patty with cheese and bacon on a Krispy Kreme Donut bun.
Noob Sports Work Stoppage of the Week:
Fortunately, its not the NFL. Authorities have closed Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch, after the King of Pop failed to pay workmen's comp insurance or wages for his 69 employees since December. First of all, the fact that Neverland Ranch needs 69 employees caring for it is completely shocking. That's roughly the size of a D III football team working year in and year out just so Jacko can hang out with llamas. Secondly, your life sucks enough if you are working the carousel at Neverland. Plus, you're a noob of epic proportions if you've been showing up for work the last 3 months without being paid while your boss is hiding out in another country. I think it might be more embarrassing than being no hit by the Dutch in the World Baseball Classic...
- The Noob Sports Family