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Wednesday, February 01, 2006 

The Official Noobsports.com Super Bowl Drinking Game


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: welcome to the 2006 Super Bowl! That's right, invite your friends over, break out the gambling squares, it's time to watch the biggest football game of the year.

If you are like us, you're not going to watch the big game alone; you're going to attend a Super Bowl party. And to be fair, most Super Bowl parties are the same: A handful of people show up at somebodies house, they have some chili, some nachos, some pizza maybe... and they drink a couple of beers. All good and well, but if you want to take your party to another level, we present you with:

The Official Noobsports.com Super Bowl Drinking game!

Directions

1- Invite your friends over. Tell them to bring something to eat, and a couple bucks to throw down for some drinks.

2 - Go to your local liquor store (in Colorado, go Saturday, since you can't buy booze on Sunday) and pick up your favorite 1/2 barrel of beer. Suggestions - Natural Light, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Busch Light, Coors Light, or Keystone Light. Don't drink anything too heavy... last year we played with a barrel of Fat Tire and had a 3 day hangover. Bad times.

3 - Pick up a couple fifths of a liquor you'd like to take a shot of. For example: Goldschlager, Rumpelminze, Jagermeister, Southern Comfort, or Canada House all work well. Try to avoid cheap shit, like Kamchatka Vodka, Heaven Hill Whiskey, or 5 O'clock Gin. Trust me.

4 - Grab a seat, and follow the rules.

(We suggest you print up these rules so you can have them handy for the game)

Rules

- First of all, make sure you have enough alcohol. Running out midway through the third quarter would be devastating.

- Secondly, before the game starts, everybody has to pick a team. You are either going to be on "Team Seahawks" or "Team Steelers." The teams don't have to have even numbers. Everybody gets to choose which team they would like to root for (and drink with).

- Teams need to sit next to one another, or at least on the same side of the room. This will become apparent as the game goes on, as a heated rivalry will innevitably develop between the two teams and you will need your teammates for moral support.

- For the record: 1 drink is defined as a good gulp of beer. No sissy sips, and definitely no nursing your drink. A 12 Oz cup of beer holds about 6-8 "drinks" in it. If you catch any of your friends nursing their drink, feel free to swat them upside the head. A shot is defined as a normal shot of liquor served in a normal sized shot glass.

- As soon as the football game starts, you must follow the rules of the team you're playing for:

Team Seahawks

Drink 1 drink:

- If the Steelers get a 1st down.
- Every time the Seahawks punt the ball.
- Whenever an announcer mentions that Hasselbeck is bald.
- The Seahawks commit a 5 yard penalty.
- Every time they say that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit, or mention something about him coming home.

Drink 2 drinks:

- If the Seahawks commit a 10 yard penalty.
- The announcer refers to Willie Parker as "Fast Willie Parker."
- Antwaan Randle El catches a pass, or completes a pass, or runs the ball.
- The Steelers use a "trick play."
- Hasselbeck is sacked.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- The Seahawks commit a turnover.
- The Steelers kick a field goal.
- The Seahawks commit a 15 yard penalty.
- The announcers refer to Bill Cowher as "Sergeant Slaughter."
- The Steelers recover an onside kick.
- The Steelers challenge a play and it gets overturned, or the Seahawks challenge a play and the play stands.

Take a shot:

- When the Steelers score a touchdown
- The announcers mistakenly refer to your QB as "Matt Hasselhof."
- Any safety.

Drink X amount of drinks:

X = the number of yards the Seahawks give up on a play over 10 yards (for instance, a play that goes for 11 yards is 1 drink, a play for 23 yards is 2 drinks, a play for 80 yards is 8 drinks... this includes punt returns, kick returns, and interception returns/fumble recoveries).

Team Steelers


Drink 1 drink:

- When the Seahawks get a 1st down.
- Every time the Steelers punt the ball.
- Whenever the announcers refer to Big Ben's career record (regular season and playoffs).
- The Steelers commit a 5 yard penalty.
- Every time they say that Shawn Alexander is the MVP.

Drink 2 drinks:

- If the Steelers commit a 10 yard penalty.
- The announcer say that Seattle doesn't get any "hype" because they're in the Pacific Northwest.
- Mack Strong touches the ball (or they refer to him as a lifelong Seahawk).
- The Seahawks use a "trick play."
- Roethlisberger is sacked.

Drink 3 drinks when:

- The Steelers commit a turnover.
- The Seahawks kick a field goal.
- The Steelers commit a 15 yard penalty.
- The announcers say that Mike Holmgren looks like "a walrus."
- The Seahwaks recover an onside kick.
- The Seahawks challenge a play and it gets overturned, or the Steelers challenge a play and the play stands.

Take a shot:

- If the Seahawks score a touchdown
- The announcers say they'd like to eat a "Rothlis Burger."
- Any safety.

Drink X amount of drinks when:
X = the number of yards the Steelers give up on a play over 10 yards (for instance, a play that goes for 11 yards is 1 drink, a play for 23 yards is 2 drinks, a play for 80 yards is 8 drinks... this includes punt returns, kick returns, and interception returns/fumble recoveries).

Community
(everybody drinks)

- Any mention of either coaches moustache
- There is a commercial on TV that makes you laugh out loud, or you think is quality.
- Any time you hear the words "Fire" and "Millen" in the same sentence.
- Whenver something patriotic happens (National Anthem, a picture of our soldiers in the stands, pictures of our troops in Iraq, a fly over of any aircraft).

***Attention*** Some of these rules can be combined. For instance, if there is a first down on a 15 yard pass play, you have to drink 2 drinks; 1 for the 1st down, and 1 for a 15 yard play. Or, if Hasselhof throws an interception in the endzone that gets returned for a touchdown and he jump-kicks Troy Polamalu after the play... you have to drink 3 drinks for the turnover, 1 shot for the touchdown, 10 drinks for the yards given up on the play, and 3 drinks for the personal foul. Psych up.

[Editors note: The Noobsports family urges you to use common sense when drinking. Don't be a hero. Please don't drink and drive. We don't encourage you to get so drunk that you end up getting sick or doing something stupid... but if that does happen, or you have any other funny stories related to Super Bowl parties, please email us at noobsports@gmail.com. Thank you.]

Well, this was the last time I'll ever check noobsports.com first thing in my first class of the day - apparently the teacher isn't too receptive to students laughing out loud during lectures (even though today's topic is the NBA's age limit (yes, I'm in Sports Law, and yes it is awesome).

Awesome. My only critique would be the eggregious omission of any rules and/or dictums relating the intake of alcohol to the inane words/actions of sideline reporters. Also, what about the halftime show? I need to know how much to drink if I see Mike Jagger's nipple.

I'd suggest prayer and crying if you see Mick Jagger's nipple. Repentance may be key.

Nothing for the halftime show?

Yeah there should definately be something for the halftime show.

deadspin link again boys? i think it's gotten to the point where you need to send them a valentines gift.

am i supposed to be able to remember all these rules by the 2nd half?

You've got both teams drinking when the Steelers recover an onside kick and none when the Seahawks recover one. Slight adjustment is needed to the rules for the Steelers team.

I think there should be two additional rules: 1. Anytime one of the announcers makes reference to a member of the Detroit community “packing heat” everyone takes a shot of a hot liquor (Hot Damn 100!, Goldschlager, Rumpelminze). 2. Anytime they mention someone of the community being killed, everyone must kill (finish) their drink.

Fat Tire is heavy? You guys are weak. Freaking amatuer drinkers.

Yes, Fat Tire is heavier than PBR. Take that you freaking professional drinker.

PBR is 5% by volume, Fat Tire is 5.3%

lamers.

We have updated our drinking game, based on your suggetsions. Please keep the suggestions coming, especially if you have a specific idea for the halftime show.

And for the record, we don't consider Fat Tire "heavy"... the thing is, if you polish off 13-15 glasses of Fat Tire in the span of 4 hours, it seems very, VERY heavy compared to a PBR or a Natural Light. Warrants mentioning.

Fat tire would be considered a normal beer in canada. Our "Heavy" beer is 8.0% by volume. And as for your american coors light it tastes very good but i must put back 30+ of them to get a good drunk.

do you want to be congratulated on being a canadian alcoholic?

For it to be considered an “Official” Game, Team Pittsburgh should drink Iron City and Team Seattle would drink Red Hook.

What about both teams drink when they show any player drinking on the sidelines.

That's a lot of rules... even printed out I don't know how easy it would be to follow them except for studying them thoroughly before the game. But even then, after certain levels of drunkness have been achieved I can see the drinking game falling apart lol.
Drinking @ prime moments like touchdowns and interceptions is key though.
dazz.
http://revolutionthis.blogspot.com

The "heavy" comment of Fat Tire does not refer to the alcohol content, but the stronger flavor that it has compared to "light" beers. We all appreciate the fact that canadians like to be able to light their beer on fire, but that has nothing to do with flavor.

Some of us don't have to drink to have fun.

Especially on the Sabbath.

Sinners

Take note: The last guy preaching about not drinking to have fun posted his comment on exactly 4:20. Fucking stoner.

These comments are now about Wendy's Delicious Big Bacon Classic.

I got one of those one time. It kicked ass. Plus they have powdered salt.... rules.

Man, talk about a burger! I know Wendy's has a weird thing with "square patties" but it all comes from the same place, right?

My advice is no ketchup, there's really no place for that on a bacon burger.

It certainly is delectable. That is, when they give me bacon that isn't so fatty. Next time they do that I'm putting a finger in my chili.

Me too. Or, in my butt. One of the two.

I guess Wendy's BBC is pretty sweet. They should make a breakfast cereal out of it.

coors light does not taste good, unless of couse your a an amateur drinker. Coors light consumption is to be strictly limited to drinking games, or other mass consumption events.

Seahawks fans are going to get plowed. Looks like the STEELER fans will be driving a lot of people home.

I have an idea for the halftime portion of the Superbowl. Calculate the combined age of everyone in the Rolling Stones and drink that number of drinks. Then call 911.

I personally plan on spending my time drinking heavily the whole time because halftime is too boring to watch.

perhaps a community boilermaker for any mention of Janet Jackson's nipple.

speaking of nipples, everyone should get at least half naked at half time. let's party!

Regarding Fat Tire...the problem with it is the high sugar content, causing a much worse hangover (headache)than "lighter" beers. Also, maybe everyone should drink a slippery nipple (shot) whenever anyone refers to the infamous wardrobe malfunction in any way.

Half time suggestion...Keep drinking until the Rolling Stones start to sound good or until Keith Richards wrinkles fade away.

Fat tire, like most microbrews, has a TON of perservatives, which will contribute heavily to the hangover effect. I can't drink it--a half a fat tire and I have a throbbing headache, because of the perservatives.

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