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Friday, February 17, 2006 

Noobie, Noobie, Noob (2/17)

We just have to share the hotness sometimes (Fridays, actually).

Noob of the Week:
The Winter Olympics have provided us with plenty of candidates for Noob of the Week: Johnny Weir blamed his poor performance on Torino's bus schedule, and Australian gold medalist Dale Begg-Smith makes his money by plaguing your computer with pop-up ads. In a close vote, neither of those noobs could take this week's crown from snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis. Leading by a shade over a country mile, Jacobellis tried throwing an unnecessary backside method grab as she neared the finish line. Needless to say, she took a spill which allowed Tanja Frieden of Switzerland to take the gold. While Jacobellis claims that silver suits her just fine, this is the type of mistake that has the potential to turn someone into a real life Ray Finkel. In 10 years or so, her mother will be making snowboard shaped cookies while Lindsey is in a looney bin throwing knives at pictures of Frieden. What a sports nut, huh?

(Editor's note: Dick Cheney was just too easy...)

Noob Sports Trade of the Week:
Noobsports has uncovered secret transcripts of this week's trade talks between Magic assistant GM Otis Smith and Pistons president Joe Dumars...

Otis Smith: Everyone makes mistakes, even you, Joe. What if we take one of those mistakes off your hands? We'd be willing to offer you a protected first round pick and Kelvin Cato, who is injured and might not play again this year, for your Serbian gangster and Carlos Arroyo.

Joe Dumars: (silence)

Smith: I know it means that you are admitting that your selection of Darko didn't exactly work out, but Cato offers you cap room so that you can re-sign Ben Wallace...

Dumars: (silence)

Smith: And Arroyo only plays 12 minutes per game, and we both know that Lindsey Hunter is going to steal his minutes come playoff time...Joe, are you there?

Dumars: Uhh yeh, I thought you were Mason prank calling me again. So, if I send you Darko, I'll have enough cap space to keep my team together and you'll give me a first rounder? Wait a minute, your team still sucks and is lottery bound for years, right?

Smith: Put it this way, we are going to give Darko significant minutes...

Dumars: Trade accepted.

Smith: It takes a real man to give away an angel.

Noob Sports Breathalyzer of the Week:
Oklahoma St. basketball coach Eddie Sutton "swerved across four lanes of traffic, slammed into the back of another car, then crashed into a tree." When the po-po arrived, he promptly blew a .22 on the Breathalyzer, nearly 3 times the legal limit, and claimed to be Larry Eustachy.

Noob Sports NBA All Star Event of the Week:
Since the NBA can't get Lebron James or Jason "Daddy Rich" Richardson to participate in the slam dunk contest, the best event is the Three Point Shootout. The best shooters in the league still play in this one: Ray Allen, Chauncey Billups, Dirk Nowitzki, and defending champ Quentin Richardson. Strokin', strokin'...

Noob Sports Cold Pizza Download of the Week:
Courtesy of "Todd's Roommate", here is the clip from today's Cold Pizza where they talked about our website (It's a .WMV download of today's clip in very high quality). Contrary to earlier reports, we get 0:47 seconds of airtime, which is so on point.

-The Noob Sports Family

I was about to congratulate you on being referenced for the Bode experiment at Every Day Should Be Saturday, but you did get airplay on ESPN2. Still, numbers of viewers/readers for those two have to be pretty close.

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