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Friday, February 10, 2006 

Noobie, Noobie, Noob (2/10)

We just have to share the hotness sometimes (Fridays, actually).

Noob of the Week:
The people have spoken and this week's honor goes to Jerramy Stevens. After virtually guaranteeing a Super Bowl victory for Seattle, Stevens dropped three balls against the Steelers and linebacker Joey Porter, who was publicly critical of Stevens' comments, to say the least. Of course, he did catch a touchdown in the game but there is no doubt that Stevens heard footsteps in the secondary all Sunday long. Not that we blame him, Porter is a scary dude. In 2003, Porter got shot in the ass while standing outside a bar in Denver and returned to game action three weeks later. However, if you're going to talk trash Super Bowl week, you have to back it up and Stevens didn't. In the words of Noobsports reader C.S. Ledtke "way to deliver on the world's biggest stage, you noob."

Noobsports Talk Show of the Week:
The Barry Gibb Talk Show. Call him Mr. Gibb, you will show him respect because he has earned it...

Noobsports Trade of the Week:
NBC Sports acquired commentator Al Michaels in exchange for Ryder Cup coverage, extended Olympic highlights, and the rights to cartoon Oswald the Lucky Duck which are headed to Disney. Since Oswald was one of Walt Disney's first creations and the forerunner to Mickey Mouse, it would seem that ABC/ESPN/Disney are getting the better end of the deal. Those rights have to be worth millions and ESPN will turn over Monday Night Football to current employees Mike Tirico, Joe Theismann, and Tony Kornheiser. Al Michaels is a legendary announcer though, and the jury is still out on how that team will mesh so let's hope that Disney hasn't ruined MNF.

Noobsports Punchout of the Week:
At some point, usually on a boring weekend during the winter, every group of young friends has the brilliant idea to put on some boxing gloves and duke it out against each other. It usually ends quickly, involves a lot of grabass, and few solid blows are landed. Well, at least thats what we used to think until we saw this clip. On second thought, maybe our friends were just a bunch of tree huggers.

Noobsports Snub of the Week:
Carmelo Anthony was not picked as a reserve for the NBA Western Conference All Star Game despite averaging 25.8 points and 5.3 boards per game. Apparently 26 ppg and being the best player on a first place team ain't what it used to be.

Noobsports Snub of the Week, Pt. II:
Ozzie Guillen will not visit the White House with his world champion White Sox because of his close relationship with Venezuelan President Huge Chavez. To say that Chavez and President G.W. Bush don't care for one another is an understatement. Chicago mayor Richard M. Daley will attend in Guillen's place.

Noobsports Easy Money of the Week:
The Catholic Apologists International will write you a check for $1000 if you can just prove that the Earth revolves around the Sun.

Noobsports Undeserved Bonus of the Week:
The Houston Texans paid quarterback David Carr a $8 million bonus to keep him for another 3 years. The 26 year old Carr regressed in 2005 (77.2 QB rating) but was the first overall pick in the 2002 NFL draft. Carr's play doesn't merit an $8 million bonus but we understand Houston's reasoning. By paying Carr, the Texans have unofficially confirmed that Reggie Bush will be the first pick in the '06 draft.

Noobsports Profession of the Week:
Cork soaking. We are now accepting applications, females only (sorry, Booster).

-The Noobsports Family

i am curious if SEL and NJV chose the banners on top of the page because the one i just saw was "whose watching your kids" a sexual pred ad.....which in my guess was chosen by noobsports resident petterass SEL

Who's not whose. and The Friday edition was worth the wait. Well done boys.

A know a lot of peeps out there have divided thoughts on John Madden, but I'll take him naked, buttered up in Turkey baste, and commentating to his pecker for color commentary before listening to Joe Theismann. Joe Theismann has to be the worst color man I've ever heard do football. The "man" can't make one worthwhile comment, and his voice makes me question his ability to have ever donned pads. It made me sick to hear Michaels gone for MNF. I literally scream until I turn off the TV when Theismann speaks...which I'm sure my wife and friends appreciate...yet they agree. If Theisman gets a second year at this gig...I will personally shave my 35 year old pube hairs and mail them to Joe.

Noob of the week has to be Maurice Clarett IMO. Taking a page from Chris Henry, the idiot Buckeye (aren't they all - unless playing the bigger idiots of UofM) had some good clean fun over the holidays, "Clarett is accused of flashing a gun and demanding property from a man and a woman early Jan. 1. Police said he got into a sport utility vehicle with two men after he was identified by the bar owner, who happened to come out into the alley. No one was injured, and only a cell phone was taken, police said." Now I'm not one to judge trash talk of pro athletes unless I hear it every friggin week, but you can open your mouth and look like the biggest ass in the world and still not hold a candle to brandishing a gun at a bar owner and coming out with a cell phone for your loot. To qoute Duke Tomato, "What the hell is going on in the NFL?" Simply ludicrous. Absolute brain power hitting on all circuits. Hmm, do you think the guy should've stayed in school instead of thinking so high of himself? Making some real good decisions Maurice. The article all states that the guy could get up to 26 years! lol he might need a different set of pads real quick.

When is the Bode experiment results coming out?

Dear Anonymous,
As mentioned by me in previous comment, the Bode Miller Experiment has been completed by SEL and the results will be up soon. SEL has been unable to post during this past week after moving from one Colorado ski town to the next. Once his technical difficulties are fixed, the first thing he will do is post Bode Miller Experiment Part II, I promise. Until then, you are still stuck with me, you noobs.

howdy - you hvae an interesting blog and I enjoyed reading it! I know I like it when people appreciate my work, so I thought I would give you some credit!


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