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Friday, February 03, 2006 

Noobie, Noobie, Noob (02/03)

We just have to share the hotness sometimes (Fridays, actually).

Noob of the Week:
Chris Henry was arrested for allegedly removing a stolen 9mm from his waistband and pointing it at a throng of people. The police say that Henry, who has also been in trouble for drugs, "appeared to be preparing to fight with a group on the sidewalk." Reports also stated that Chris Henry was wearing his own #15 Cincinnati Bengals jersey at the time of his arrest. Henry narrowly won the title this week over Isiah Thomas.

The third round pick made some big catches for Marvin Lewis this year, but we think he his run in Cincy might be over. Lewis has his hands full already trying to handle Chad Johnson and rehab Carson Palmer. The Bengals can afford to cut him as they are already strong at the wide receiver position.

Henry faces a lengthy suspension from the NFL and might find himself unemployed. Our advice to him at this point is to autograph the jersey he wore on that fateful night and auction it on Ebay, using the profits on his court costs.

Noobsports Advice of the Week:
When in doubt, Ask a Ninja.

Noobsports Apperance Fee of the Week:
How important is Tiger Woods to his sport? PGA Europe paid Tiger $3 million just to show up at this weekend's Dubai Desert Classic. No wonder Tiger recently dropped $38 million straight cash on a 10 acre oceanfront property in Florida.

Noobsports Video Gallery of the Week:
Mitch Hedberg

Noobsports Fumble of the Week:
Surprise, surprise; Matt Millen messed up another coaching hire. Mike Martz, after accepting the Detroit offensive coordinator job, did not agree to a contract with the team because of money issues. Millen never had a problem wasting the Ford family's money before, so why is he starting now?

Noobsports Revelation of the Week:
Clinton Po'tis might have smoked himself retarded.

Noobsports Trade Rumor of the Week:
White Sox trade SP Jose Contreras and RF Jermaine Dye for RF Bobby Abreu and young SP Gavin Floyd. It's hard to believe that Kenny Williams would dare to trade off more pieces of his 2005 championship team, but the team's pitching depth (for example, Brandon McCarthy) means they can afford to trade Contreras, who they don't have locked up long term. Abreu's left handed stick would look great batting third in the lineup before Paul Konerko and Jim Thome.

Noobsports Gambling Lock of the Weekend:
Seahawks + 4 over Steelers, Super Bowl XL. Everyone is picking the Steelers but we think Holmgren has his team primed to deny Jerome Bettis a ring (gasp!). Tough to gamble against Big Ben, but we have to take the points in a close game. Walter Jones and Steve Hutchinson will clear the path for Shaun Alexander to have a good day and Seattle's deep D-line will shut down Fast Willie Parker.

-The Noobsports Family

i just got home from a long day of working and schooling and sat down in from of my computer to drink a pbr and read noobsports. once i got to the end i had to drink two drinks because i read the words "fast willie parker". the drinking game has already started for me.

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