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Tuesday, January 24, 2006 

Noob of the Week

Welcome to the first installment of "Noob of the week". This weeks winner is a long-time noob in my book, and quite frankly, I can't stand him. I hate Barry Bonds almost as much as my dad does... and I'm fairly certain my old man would take a swing at Barry if he saw him on the street.

Bonds started off hot, by saying:
"I am going to speak with Felipe, because at this point in my career it doesn't work for me to be second bat."
Doesn't work for you to bat second? How does a second bat to the back of your knee sound? Does that work for you, Barry?

That in itself is enough to win "noob of the week" honors, but Bonds took it a step further. He insulted America.

Here at Noobsports, we love America. We LOVE it. Furthermore, we're traveling all the way across this great land to San Diego to show support for our fellow countrymen who are going to be playing their hearts out for the good ole red, white, and blue. I was ready to put my anti-Bonds sentiment aside and root for him, if he was going to help bring us the World Baseball Classic title. So what does Barry do? He decides that he's too good for America, that he isn't going to play for team USA, and that he's going to focus his efforts on playing for the Giants.

To add insult to injury, I just found out his full name is "Barry Lamar Bonds". I think we should start calling him "Lamar" on a full-time basis, naming him after the limp-wristed javelin thrower from "Revenge of the Nerds."

So congratulations, Lamar, due to your egocentric personality and "me before team" philosophy, coupled with the fact that you obviously hate America, you've earned the inaugural "Noob of the Week" award. You douchebag.

Honorable mention:

- Jake Plummer and Jake Delhomme: you may have to check the stats, but I think the Jakes were a combined 8-45 with 9 interceptions on Sunday.

- Andy Roddick: skipped the Masters Cup in November to give himself extra weeks to peak for the Australian open. Then loses to a guy named Marcus Baghdati of Cyprus in the 4th round. Wow.

- Jim Haslett: couldn't get the Lions head coaching job so now he's the St. Louis Rams' defensive coordinator. I'm sure that's going to work out great for all parties involved.

- Kobe Bryant: after all of Nate's pole-polishing you'd think that Kobe was a good guy. Let's not forget that KB8 should be in prison playing on concrete and trying to avoid getting shanked; not playing in the NBA. Yes, 81 is impressive, but Kobe is still a terrible person... and a total noob.


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