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Monday, January 30, 2006 

I'm 23 now, but will I live to see 24?

[Editors Note: TBaz is a college friend of both SEL and NJV, and is writing exclusively for Noobsports.com. We find his humor to be unique and extraordinarily funny, and we hope you do too]

Greetings 24 fans!! Seeing as there were over 35 million viewers watching the premier of season 5 I figured there is somewhat of an audience on the subject. I would like to think of myself as a 24 expert, as I’m sure most of us do who watch it routinely. I would like to add my two cents to the mix to make your watching experience more satisfactory. I do not claim to be a writing expert, nor do I think my opinion is more valid than yours…well maybe I do, but I’m willing to listen and change my stance as long as you back it up with some sort of factual information.

I will give just a little information on why I qualify as a 24 expert. I think my interest in crime and justice started when I was in fourth grade and began reading the Hardy Boys by Frank Dixon. I would spend countless hours hanging out with Frank and Joe Hardy solving crimes in water towers and on pirate ships. I also read Encyclopedia Brown, who was a boy genius that would solve crimes for 25 cents. Great concept. For those not familiar with the Encyclopedia Brown books, they were like brainteasers, at the end of each caper you had the chance to figure out how Encyclopedia would solve the crime, and if you couldn’t solve it, the answer was in the back of the book. This is where it all started. Fast forward to present day and my two of my favorite authors for a quick read are Jonny Grisham and Danny Brown. I have read all of their books. What it boils down to is me liking justice and some good ol’ fashioned trickery. I graduated college with a B.A. communication degree with an emphasis on video. So I do look at 24 in a variety of ways ranging from plotline and continuity to lighting and composition. Enough about me, this was to shed light on my psyche.

What are the ingredients in 24 that make it such a great recipe? There are certain rules that Jon Cassar follows whether he does them on purpose or doesn’t. The two that I will explain in this article are poor lighting, and the word “Now!”
Poor Lighting.

I laugh so hard every time there are scenes inside C.T.U. It is so poorly lit I don’t know how they do any work. I’m sure that it is helpful for them to see their monitors, but I can see my monitor fine in a well-lit room. Just think if at your place of work it was that dark all the time, it would be really ridiculous. It’s perfect for people to sneak around in the shadows and lurk. So if you were working at C.T.U. not only would you have to worry about all the people around you telling the boss that you can’t perform your job correctly, you would have to worry about holding on to your pencil because if you dropped it you’re not going to find it. If they actually lit the place up well they would find so many things on the ground. Jack would probably find 6 guns that he thought he lost.


This has to be my favorite phrase in 24. It has got to be the most used word in 24. It puts a smile on my face every time I hear it. Especially when Jack says hisses/growls it. I have a theory on why this word gets used so much. I envision a conversation that Jon Cassar had with someone when he was originally writing 24.

Jon Cassar: “You know what I hate about action movies and action tv shows?”
Writer Guy: “No, what?”
Jon Cassar: “I hate stupid one liners, I hate nicknames, and I hate witty euphuisms!!!”
Writer Guy: “Oh…well what are your thoughts on this line. Jack says ‘I need the schematics pronto!!!’”
Jon Cassar: “I hate it. Try something different.”
Writer Guy: “ Jacks says ‘ I need the schematics ASAP!!!’ “
Jon Cassar: “Stupid. Try something different.”
Writer Guy: “ Jack says ‘ I need the schematics now!?! ‘ “
Jon Cassar: “Perfect.”

At this point I would like to inform you of a game that I invented that is to be played when viewing 24. It is very simple and very rewarding. When 24 goes to commercial break the last thing you see is the clock counting up. In order to win this game you must correctly guess the exact time the clock will come back on at. So for example if the last time you see is 12:42 then a good guess would be 17:02. You only truly win the game when you guess it exactly, however if your guess falls in run time of the clock you should feel good about it. In our apartment my roommate and I have made it a rule that if either of us guess’s correctly a shot of an adult beverage shall be consumed. As of right now I have 4 correct guess’s in season’s 1-4. Next week I think I will debate who would make a better father David Palmer or Jack Bauer.

Top Seven Reasons why Jack Bauer would be a great friend and agent for T.O.

(1) They both hate authority and being told to do anything. They gripe to each other about authority and how they don't need anyone to do their job.

(2) They both catch things really well. T.O. catches footballs Jack Bauer catches terrorists. Close enough.

(3) They both tell it as it is. T.O. calls out his quarterback and Bauer calls out everyone.

(4) Jack Bauer would torture any GM into giving T.O. the contract he wanted.

(5) If you remember the New Conference Drew Rosenhaus had and he kept saying next question, Jack would have handled it differently. Jack would have shot the first reporter who asked a stupid question and then told the rest of the reports that if they didn't write an article in favor of T.O. he would kill their children.

(6) T.O. wears Under Armor and Jack wears Body Armor, so they both wear armor which they think is really neat.

(7) I have heard from an inside source that T.O. and Jack have partied together before. T.O. refers to Jack as J.B., and when Jack gets loaded he runs around with his gun and tells people to do stupid things; if they refuse Jack shoots his gun in the air and says "Turn down the Bauer lose for an hour!!"